


This is gospel

by shaardom



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, F/M, Graphic depiction of death, I mention Henry but he has like two lines in the whole thing, M/M, and by graphic I mean graphic af, it's a fucking tragedy, spoilers from trk, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 18:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10196699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaardom/pseuds/shaardom
Summary: An alternate ending to the Raven King : Cabeswater needs help saving Gansey as it isn't powerful enough by itself. That's when the Magician comes in handy. Did Adam expect this outcome ? Yes.Did Blue, Noah, Ronan and everyone else ? No.Were they ready for it ? Neither.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You wouldn't guess since I posted quite a lot of works related to this pairing, but this is literally the first fic I wrote for this fandom.
> 
> I didn't post it right away because it didn't sound like a proper moment and after ages, I finally decided to release it. Also, P!atd references everyone. Anyway, here you go, enjoy (:
> 
> Betad by @CursedLupin.

“What about Cabeswater ?”

“What about it ?” Ronan asked. “It’s not powerful enough to do anything any more.”

“I know,” Adam replied. “But if you asked — it might die for him.”

He had carefully weighed his words. Gansey will wake up. There will be a price to pay, as usual. Noah whispered the words but Adam took credit.

Until now, Noah thought being dead meant living a circle. Witnessing the same events unfold from the beginning. He expected to disappear once and for all, also offering Gansey a third chance at life. Yet he remained trapped between the living and the dead, which confused him.

Because everyone focused on Gansey, Adam allowed himself to flinch, quietly. He shared two traits with Cabeswater : his mastery of Latin and his tormented loyalty to Gansey. His own agony would take some time. Much more time. But how much, exactly ? It could take a week or two. He could die within the next hour. Either way, he had to sort himself out very quickly.

"Parrish ?"

He nodded. He should have closed his eyes while doing so. A sudden diziness caught him, and he couldn't tell his right from his left anymore. Ronan walked up to him, attempting to process what was happening.

"Did it work ?" Adam asked.

Ronan nodded weakly. He had no idea what Adam was even referring to. Given their situation, the only possible topic is their risky plan. Whatever is going on, he couldn't afford losing two of his boys, his unofficial relatives, the same day. Noah is but a ghost, kept on Earth by the ley line's power. Ronan did not know how to deal with that kind of magic. Adam stumbled backwards. The dying trees kept whispering the words which sealed his fate. Something rang in his deaf ear.

"What the fuck is wrong with you ?"

Ronan whispered not to let Blue hear about any of this. He is the only person Adam knows who is able to make a whisper sound as powerful. But the tone of Ronan's voice did not fool him as his eyes betrayed him. The idea of losing him after witnessing Gansey's death made Ronan panic. He knows he will lose Adam, even though the reason behind this loss is still not clearly stated in his mind.

"It can't... it was not enough by itself."

Adam's heartache has nothing to do with his upcoming death. He hated forcing this truth upon Ronan. He hated witnessing the fear in his eyes and not being able to help it.

"Nonsense. It heard me. It understood what we wanted. You have nothing to do with this." He'd like to believe it, but the doubt in Ronan's voice made it sound even more foolish. He spoke so fast that he was nearly stuttering. "Parrish— for fuck's sake, what's going on ?"

He shook his head, making sure his eyes were closed before moving. He himself was not sure about the meaning of this gesture. He opened his eyes just in time to see the realization hitting Ronan. His distraught features made him look like he had received the first blow of the only fight he didn't start.

"You bastard."

Ronan spoke slowly, but with a trembling voice. Anguish and rage were mixed in equal measure. Adam expected it. He stepped backwards until his back met something to lean against, feeling as bad as if he had truly hit Ronan. He already — unwillingly — tried to kill him earlier. They did not even had the time to make up for this. The demon was gone now, and he decided to keep pretending that he knew exactly what he was up to when he woke the ley line, months ago. On one hand, he hoped it wouldn't end like this. On the other hand, he is ready and at least, he is pretty sure he won't meet his parents in hell.

"Promise me you will keep studying."

Ronan wiped the blood on his face. His hands were shaking slightly as he couldn't keep everything inside. From the distance, Blue shot them a confused glance. Even if Ronan did his best for her not to find out, she is a medium's daughter. She doesn't need people to tell her when something as big as death is happening. On her lap, Gansey started breathing again, even though he remained unconscious. The sudden relief was washed away by her new worries about Adam's well-being. She couldn't even get up and run to him. She couldn't leave Gansey behind on the cold, damp floor.

Talking about studies at this very was out of the place. It wasn't out of the place in a funny way, just a highly disturbing kind. Ronan remained quiet. His mind was in shambles. He got a hold of himself and placed Adam's arm around his shoulders.

"Promise me, Lynch."

His voice was already turning into a whisper. It sounded like Henrietta, Cabeswater's latin and many other things no one wanted to name at this very moment. It sounded like a longing for something he couldn't fully enjoy, yet made the most out of it already.

"Fuck you, Parrish," he groaned. "You're not dying on me."

Gansey had a chance to die on Blue, and he didn't. Adam had thought he wouldn't die on anyone. For a long time, he had thought he wasn't worthy enough. He tried to resist as Ronan half-carried him towards Blue and Gansey. Ronan stared at him, annoyance taking over his cerulean eyes, and pulled him a bit harder.

"Ronan !"

He was dead serious. He feared nothing good will happen if he didn't take Ronan's word. At least, Gansey will be there to force him on the right path. Given he wakes up. Adam still had so many things to tell them. Every single one of them. The silence made him realise something was going on. He looked at Blue, then Ronan again, and noticed they were having a silent conversation. He had missed a big half of it.

"Damn it," Ronan ended up saying.

Blue quietly agreed with his statement. Adam saw her crying. And he is not even gone yet. He shivered. He felt so cold, as though the temperature dropped several degrees in few minutes. Ronan indeed noticed and got rid of his own sweater to throw it over his shoulders. That didn't bring back the color to his face.

"Blue, make sure he keeps studying."

She easily gave her word, despite Ronan protesting in the background. He attempted to smile. It certainly didn't turn out to be as reassuring as he meant it.

There's a positive side to Gansey not waking up yet. Adam would have hated it if the other had to witness his last moments. A rush of energy took over through his body, as strong as a tidal wave. He took advantage of it to let go of Ronan and sit on the ground before his legs failed to support him. Ronan knelt, only inches away. He had a hard time believing his eyes. Adam couldn't be dying. There couldn't be two nearly dead people and a ghost within a radius of two meters.

His newly built composure started to crumble again. He didn't have the energy to do something else than watch Adam's helpless struggle to keep the spark of life awake. He watched, knowing the outcome. Adam coughed. A red stain appeared on the sleeve of his sweater, but he didn't mind. It somehow woke Ronan up and he got as close as he could before helping Adam to sit between his legs.

"Tell me that I passed out."

This had to be a dream. They forgot to wake him up after the demon tried to kill him. But he knew the difference. Everything around him is painfully real. And no one told him otherwise, aware of his hatred of lies. Ronan couldn't believe that the world kept spinning. That when they'll walk away from this place, a few hours would have gone to waste. Blue wanted to warn him about Adam's closeness because holding a dead body is even more difficult. But would he even listen ? Plus, she made the same mistake with Gansey.

"It'll be fine," Adam promised.

His Henrietta accent got stronger as he stopped minding it. That proof of his origin he always tried his best to suppress. Ronan noticed Blue's stare and slowly released his grip on Adam, without fully letting go. Adam coughed more. His death wouldn't be as pretty as Gansey's. Instead of agreeing with Blue and telling Ronan to leave, he focused on the Gaelic curses which Ronan kept pouring at an impressive pace. They distracted him from his massive headache, and the rising pain in his chest. It was definitely Cabeswater's fault this time. It occurred to him that he could stop fighting. The battle is lost anyway. But giving up is not an option, is it ? Even though most of Adam's life had been made of avoiding fights and dodging blows. Ronan is more of a fighter. 

"Language, Lynch," Adam said after wiping the corner of his lips.

Ronan laughed. A bitter, tired laugh. Reminding him about something so trivial at this very moment sounded inadequate. Still not in the funny way, such as laughing uncontrollably while being scolded. He heard Blue's voice too, more genuine in spite of grief, a tiny echo. Adam's heartbeat increased at an alarming rate. There is medical word for that. He forgot which one. Not that it mattered, it's meaning being that there is not much time left. Adam took both of Ronan's hands and kissed his knuckles, one by one. He wished it didn't feel rushed. He wished he— they still had time. Ronan tensed up but he didn't pull back. It felt like Adam was giving away his warmth instead of keeping it inside.

"At least promise me you won't fight anymore", Adam said.

He sounded like he was begging. Like a last will. Ronan hated it. All of it.

"If you promise me you'll stay."

Adam turned his hands around and brushed his lips against the center of his palms. Ronan's skin had gotten so much warmer that his. He inhaled deeply, feeling more relaxed somehow. He took another deep breath and this time, his ribs felt like they would break open. They were definitely running out of time.

"I can't."

He wished he could. There was a deep sadness in his words. His lack of control over the whole situation put him into the greatest misery he ever suffered through. The idea, the fact Ronan went through a similar suffering made it worse. Ronan clenched his fists. This small contact sent thrills through his whole body.

"Then, neither can I."

Adam worked at exposing his palms again, Ronan's hands feeling like the hottest summer day as life left his body through invisible wounds. He blew a last kiss towards Blue.

"Don't tell Gansey."

She laughed again behind her tears and nodded. There were so many things they won't properly talk about, ever. She didn't mind sharing that kind of secret with him. She'll bury it inside of her chest, and never think about it again. Who will bring it up anyway ?

The pain in his chest gradually grew stronger, slowly choking him. Breathing got nearly impossible. His lips slowly turned to purple, the color of bruises. He tensed up in Ronan's arms, attempting to contain the panic rising at at the feeling of his inability to inhale. Between being possessed and dying, enjoyed the full control of his body for roughly five minutes. It had been great.

"This must be it." He gathered enough strength for another sigh. To make them feel like everything is still fine, like he isn't suffering like a damned man. Deep inside, he still thought he deserved every dreadful second of agony. The Gansey's voice in his head shared this opinion. How different things would have been, it said, if you didn't try to make things your own way. Adam still did not make the difference between the demon who once was, and himself. He shifted uncomfortably in Ronan's arms.

"I love you, yeah ? And if I had the choice, you know I'd have stayed."

But he had that choice, a long time ago. And he chose Cabeswater. He chose himself, in some ways. Otherwise, there was no ambiguity in his words. He loved Ronan, he loved Blue. And they did loved him too. Everyone knew that he would have stayed if things were different, if _he_ was. The fact is so obvious that stating it is not needed. He placed his hands over Ronan's and pressed them against his heart. His chest went up and down yet his lungs remained desperately empty. The blood he couldn't cough out remained in his throat, forcing an irritating metallic taste in his mouth. He unconsciously tightened his grip on Ronan's hands and made himself smaller.

Peaceful deaths only happened in crappy romantic movies. Gansey's life had to be one. He would have laughed at the thought if he still had enough oxygen to do so. Ronan had stopped cursing unknown deities. He waited, just like Adam, for death to do it's job, holding him tightly despite what Blue told him earlier. Adam lost consciousness first, and was trapped in that odd state between vigil and sleep as what remained kept mechanically fighting for dear life. His almost lifeless body didn't display the crushing torture he was dragged through.

Everything was fire, yet nothing burnt to ash. He tried to swallow again before his blood went dripping out on his lips. Needless to say, it didn't go well. Through an opaque veil, he sensed Ronan wiping his lower lip, proof that he had no been able to achieve anything.

Ronan was genuinely afraid that Adam went through this torture for nothing. He indeed prefers Adam to live. But if he woke up now, after minutes of magical choking, his brain would suffer from severe damages. And that will force them to take a decision he thought no one had the right to take. Adam was too proud to live at peace with himself without being fully independent. And regardless of the said person's will, Ronan will never be able to end his life once and for all. Or let someone else do it. Blue furrowed her brows. 

"He will not..." Her voice cracked. Crushing hope was cruel, but allowing it to grow in such situations was worse. He understood. She said it with the same tone she would have used to announce a relative's death. Which she did, in some ways. "I'm sorry."

Ronan sighed. Picking one between Gansey and Adam was impossible. Yet, here they were.

Adam's heartbeat had gotten very slow. Ronan could still feel it. His agony was almost over. Adam had been the strongest tree in the forest, after all. He did everything he could, now, it was Ronan's turn. He gently pushed few curls away from Adam's functional ear and leaned forward to whisper.

"It's okay." Not for him, but it certainly is for someone else. The statement isn't a lie, then. He can get away with it. His voice got dangerously close from breaking. "Una in perpetuum."

He heard himself with a short delay, as if someone else spoke. He despised that person. That was neither what he wanted to say nor what he wanted Adam to hear. He wanted to tell Adam to stop messing around and wake up. But Blue had stolen his line. He stroked Adam's cheek. His skin was cold as stone, yet as colorful as ever. The contrast was unbelievable.

Thud. Few seconds. A minute. Maybe more. Gansey shuddered. He and Adam were tightly bound at this moment. But as one fell, the other rose. Thud. Then the void. Ronan waited and waited, but to no avail.

Adam would have liked to think he was able to focus on a happy memory to leave with this picture in mind. In fact, there was nothing but the fading pain. It washed everything away. And somewhere, already too far away, remained Ronan's embrace and outrageous language.

Gansey stopped dreaming. He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Blue's teary face protectively leaning over him.

 

Ronan Lynch knew what he was up to when he decided to acknowledge his feelings for the dusty Henrietta boy. To be fair, they already made the most out of it. His love had been requited.

Which does not makes it any better.

"What now ?"

He kicked a few stones away from the boy's grave, stuffing his hands in his pockets. The pebbles rolled away between moss and low vines. He saw so many things within the last few years. Surely, Adam could hear him, even if he couldn't reply. The disgusting, ugly truth was there. Adam Parrish was dead, and here he laid.

"Tell me, Parrish. What now ?" he repeated.

Gansey let go of Blue's hand to walk closer from Ronan. He wanted to place a hand on his shoulder, but Ronan dodged.

"Keep your condolences, fucker."

He is not in the mood talking or listening. For acting formal. He is not in the mood for acting, at all.

"Ronan, we..."

"Quit it," he snapped. "You're going to dream of him, maybe. But you won't fear waking up and holding onto something that isn't meant to be."

A limb, for instance. The possibilities were endless and he did not want to consider any of them. Gansey opened his mouth again, ready to tell Ronan that this was a normal reaction caused by sadness and many other things. But something in the gentle breeze reminded him of how careless he was with words. Was it Noah who spoke ?

He mechanically fiddled with his hands, unwilling to tuck them in his pockets while being around a grave. Something about being disrespectful. The detail didn't seem to bother Ronan, but Gansey knows he isn't doing it on purpose. He threw a helpless glance at the clear sky above them.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

Because both of you couldn't survive, Ronan wanted to add. And that you would rather stand here with Blue.

He always knew better than being bluntly honest but he usually chose to ignore what common sense told him. Gansey is special to him, enough for him to make an effort.

"He was my friend too.." Gansey started.

"Don't fucking talk about him at the past tense," Ronan shouted. "Noah is dead too, and yet..."

Gansey stepped back, as though Ronan's words hit him while Noah was their direct target. Ronan knew that Noah's case was special. He was overwhelmed by sadness. Noah also wished he had vanished instead of remaining in a world in which his being is a result of the ley line's capricious mood. Ronan couldn't help it. He had to understand that their feelings were all valid. Gansey thought that he had to stop acting like he was the only one mourning. The fact Noah had to deal with collateral damages while it was clearly something between him and Ronan got on his nerves. His voice remained even. People do not shout when they have the vocabulary to whisper.

"We all deeply cared about him, why do you have to be so..."

"So what, Dick ?"

Gansey clenched his fists, in spite of Noah's litany of 'leave him be'. Ronan could use all of his names indeed, but he chose this one for the cruel wordsplay behind it and Gansey is aware of it. Blue stepped forward. She didn't say anything yet, willing to leave them with a chance to neatly work things out.

"So childish," Gansey spat.

He is also grieving over Adam's death. None of them were in the mood for listening to the other.

"Look at who's talking."

Ronan defiantly crossed his arms on his chest.

"I do not..."

"Of course you do ! Of all times, this is the worst for acting presidential and all you can think of is coming at me with your fucking formal sentences," Ronan hissed

Blue side-glanced at Noah. He nodded weakly. If none of them moved, either Gansey or Ronan might end up saying or doing something they'll regret later on. Their agreement settled, both of them stepped forward to prevent any regretful event from happening.

"We all loved him, Ronan. This you can't deny," she told him.

Ronan did not answer. He knew that was the truth, especially coming from Blue. He turned away from them with a small huff. Meanwhile, Noah mouthed a quiet 'Really, now ?' at Gansey, who did looked ashamed by his sudden outburst. They retreated quietly, leaving Ronan alone.

At some point, the blue sky turned orange and his shadow grew accordingly longer. The evening breeze went whistling through the leaves. Their gentle hush sounded nothing like Latin. He knew he should stop expecting a sign. Even if Cabeswater returned, which will take a lot of time anyway, Adam was gone.

Go deo.

Tears blurred his sight. He hoped they had enough common sense not to keep staring at him the whole time. Or better, but that was maybe too much to ask, not to stay the whole time. Someone handed him a handkerchief and he took it. Turned out to be Blue. Good, because he wasn't in the mood for dealing with Gansey unless it was punching his ridiculously well-drawn nose. At the thought, he felt a sudden weakness in his hands. Where Adam had kissed him before dying.

That asshole, did he cast a spell for him not to be able to fight ? Ronan made a mental note to test this theory — and hopefully, prove it wrong — as soon as possible.

"We'll take care of each other", Blue said. Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Like we always do."

He nodded, opening and clenching his fists few times. The weakness was already gone. Blue looked interrogative. He decided to pretend like he didn't notice.

"I hope you crossed your fingers while promising him to make sure I'll study."

She raised a brow.

"Of course not. I will definitely drag you through finals. And you better get A's everywhere."

He raised a brow, briefly feeling amused by her determination. She did seem serious about this. He was a mess before Adam arrived and now that he left, Ronan was a wreck. He assumed she will make her peace with it, at some point.

"Why do you care, is it about what Declan owes me after I graduate ?"

She looked so shocked and confused that he had to clarify it was a joke. Of course, he knew her enough to tell this isn't the case. She genuinely cared, and that's the most annoying part.

"You're so lucky, though.

"How come ?"

"Have you never heard that song ?"

She felt like the abrupt change of topic was meant to hide something. It was not hard to guess what. He mentally bid a last farewell to Adam and promised him not to come back often before leading the way to his cat. Blue was expecting something within his usual tastes. Loud, electronic music. It was less violent than what he seemed to listen to on a daily basis. Even a bit enjoyable. The singer's voice came after few seconds of intro, and she tried to focus on the lyrics.

She had a hard time at first, because of the accent and her thoughts which kept wandering towards Ronan. He had been different with Adam, and wouldn't be the same afterwards. She asked herself, how long will it take him to be genuinely happy again ?

He suddenly lowered the volume and started singing along. His voice was a bit raspy since he spent half of the day without uttering a word, but she understood the lyrics better. She also paid attention.

"Then the time of being sad is over, and you miss 'em like you miss no other, and being Blue is better than being over it, over it..."

She laughed as he rose the volume again to it's usual level. Being blue, right ? She didn't knew how true that was. She thought about getting over Adam's disappearance, destroying the bridge to his memories after sealing them into oblivion. Then his voice echoed in her head. The things he said, the ones he didn't. Ronan and his song were right.

She'd rather stay blue.

She thought she was lucky to have them by her side. If Ronan could read her mind, he'd most likely tell her that she indeed was and act like the haughty bastard she once thought all Aglionby boys were.

"Reckon Gansey would be happy to know about your interest for gospel," she teased.

"Try to tell him and I'll give a whole new meaning to 'being blue'."

"I'd like to see you try."

Even if Blue is as independant as Adam when it came to Gansey, the raven king would most likely turn into a deadly crow if he found out someone harmed her. Ronan still wouldn't bet everything on his victory. If Ronan and Gansey fought, both knew the former will win. Simply because Gansey never bothered developping his fighting skills.

"That said, I wouldn't hit a friend. Regardless of how shitty they are."

Ronan Lynch is not a liar. Saying that he wouldn't hit a girl will be both false — he had been so close from picking up a fight with Gansey earlier — and offensive for Blue.

"Noah and I weren't so sure about that," she quietly noticed.

"Gansey and I will never have a serious encounter. He won't properly fight back until his life is at stake, and I'll stop way before that happens."

Ronan sounded like he already gave it some thought and ended up reaching this same conclusion each time. Blue wondered why she even doubted him. Ronan is truthful. Plus, Gansey didn't seem to fear anything back then.

"When was the last time you fought ?" she curiously asked.

"Last year. But I was teaching him how to throw proper punches, that doesn't count. Does it ?"

"I do not think it does."

"Yet he managed to break his thumb against Whelk's jaw," Ronan sighed.

He focused on the road while thinking of Gansey's approximate knowledge of many things. Blue remembered every detail of that eventful evening. Maura and Persephone had told her that 'her raven boys will come'. Ronan must have felt quite disappointed by Gansey's poor performance. That day, his handwritten journal had been taken. It could have been worse.

Today, they exchanged Adam and Cabeswater for Noah and Gansey. In other words, a life and something else, for the exact same items. These kind of deals were never fair, even though the value on both sides was the same. She decided to keep talking. Ronan looked like he was already back on the right track. But she knew better than trusting the appearances. They were deceiving.

She knew, because she felt the same way.

"Did that song meant anything to you aside from a vague reference to my name ?"

Adam will certainly prefer them to get over him. But Ronan loved him so much. Blue isn't sure what he will become after that. He took some time to think about a proper answer. A few kilometers, at least. Blue did not mind, as long as she received an answer.

"I miss him," he finally replied. "I can't say anything else."

She nodded. That was understandable.

"You do not have to act casual about Adam..." She stopped there. Stating his death out loud made it too real. "You're not alone in this. That was Gansey's point, even if he could have said it better."

"I hate to say it but we will all act casual about this someday. And I loathe admitting it as well, but it is very likely to be what Adam wants."

Right, Parrish ?

That's problem with things happenning during the first twenty-five years of one's life. You can think that someone means the world to you. Then a few years later, you realise that the world is just too big to allow that. His world fell apart when Adam flinched for the first time. The next morning, all of his friends were attempting to fix whatever wasn't beyond repair. In a few days, either he will start helping them or he will fall back into old routines. The choice is his. But Ronan knew that if he started drinking in the near future, he was very unlikely to stop. That deserved some thought.

A king died, many centuries ago. It was the beginning of Gansey's quest. The beginning of their quest. It was all about the mystery behind the ley line and the reward earnt by the worthy knight who will wake Glendower. Then it was about people dying twice. Lastly, it was about leaving it all behind, or at least try to.

They found brave companions on the way. They had fun, that's for sure. But none of it was worth the grief. Noah will keep getting more ethereal day by day. They knew that soon, he will fade until he disappears.

Ronan's heart was not the greatest kingdom. Adam made a point of rejecting the tributes he was offered. He still remained the ruler. Now that he left, Ronan's fate is uncertain.

"I didn't know you were into gospel though," Blue said, popping his bubble. "Seriously."

What made her attempt to break the ice efficient was the intent behind it. Otherwise, he had definitely heard better. There was something off with his curved lips, something which made Blue wary of him. Ronan had always been dangerous, full of hatred and untold secrets. Adam had managed to ease his torments. He got as close to taming the beast inside as possible. Even if they were here, even if his brothers were, Blue could not tell whether it will be enough to save him.

"It wasn't." He pressed a button on the radio player and another song started. She immediately recognized the familiar electronic style and omnipresent beats as they got closer from Monmouth Manufacturing. She felt safer around the old factory walls; even if she just lost a friend, if Ronan's future was not set in stone and if Noah was still trapped between two worlds.

She allowed the loud bass to mute the painful orchestra which played in her head for few seconds. It was definitely more like Ronan. The repetitive background and lyrics which were about the melody as much as they were about the meaning of words. She felt an odd relief as the complicated pattern of sounds unraveled in the vehicle interior. It felt like her feelings were translated into music, then shouted at the world.

Ronan seem to use that process often, enough for it to lose some efficiency. She placed a hand on his shoulder and her bad feeling vanished. All hope is not lost even though there's no room for this peculiar feeling right now. There won't be until they were done mourning.

Ronan is used to picking up fights. But no one can tell if he is strong enough to win against himself. For now, he did not bet on his victory. The volume increased as he pushed a button, completely drowning them in a jumble of instruments and voices. He threw his head backwards and laughed. Blue saw him more than she heard him. When he finally glanced at her, his eyes shined the way shards of glass did.

"This is gospel."

He did not refer solely to the song. Their will, their choices, their memories, the irony of life and its cruel nonsense were gospel. It was also their fragile bond, Blue's hands on his shoulder and his own hand slowly reaching out for hers. The ink on Ronan's back, the stitches on Blue's face. The sorrow in her eyes, the ressentment in his. The wounds in their hearts. The slow healing process. It was all that. Last but not least, the fear. The fear of shutting themselves in and face their own demons. The fear of losing the battle.

_The fear of falling apart._


End file.
